My name's Evelyn, but all my friends call me Evie, and I'm freaking STOKED you're here. I'm a California-based HOT MESS. That's pretty much my professional title, honestly. (Officially though, it's "photographer and business educator, influencer." but that's boring sooo...)
If you're ready for some friggin weird dance moves, awkward real life stories, the coolest adventures + couples, and some real life tips, tools, and strategies... you're in the right place. Let's be bffs. I'll bring the wine. ;)
Let’s talk Healthy Relationships.
Whether you’re working on a friendship, romantic relationship, business partnership, or even family matters… you’re gonna want to hear this!
There are FIVE relationship tools you can utilize to build healthy relationships. A lot of times, we can feel stuck or stagnant in relationships, but it is SO vital to remember that we have the power to take ownership and make changes in how we interact with those we love.
Let’s dive right in.
Let go of being RIGHT.
You have gotttt to get over being “right”. We’ve all heard that relationships should be 50/50… blah blah blah, I know. But in reality, you should be coming at it with a 100/100 mindset. You are giving 100% of yourself to the other person, & they are reciprocating the effort. There is something so beautiful and authentic in knowing that you are both viewing this relationship, romantic or not, in a way where you’re living to serve the other.
This 100% from both sides means there’s no room for selfishness. Absolutely none. ZEROOOO. Your focus is serving and loving, not figuring out if you’re right. When you switch from selfish to servant, your relationship will thrive.
Use “I” Instead Of “You” Statements
Next, we’re switching the way we talk about our feelings. Instead of attacking with statements such as “you never listen”, or “you hurt me”, turn it around and talk about how you feel. The person you’re talking to will be more likely to talk to you if you come down off the defense.
Think about it. If someone were to accuse you of something, wouldn’t your guard immediately go up? You aren’t alone. But approaching issues by discussing how you feel switches the conversation and makes the other person more likely to sit down and work things through with you. (Also avoid words like “always” and “never”. Blanket statements never do well, and oftentimes are coming from a place of hurt rather than truth.)
Be INTENTIONAL (with your time)
Regardless of whether quality time is one of your love languages, being present with people you love is so important. Be there. Be fully present. When you’re with that person, shut off work. (This goes back to giving 100%!!) This is HARD, but valuable beyond words.
This usually means setting boundaries. This might be no phones during dates, no TV in the bedroom, or designated time to chat solely with that person. Create realistic boundaries that help you FULLY engage with whoever you’re spending time with. (Let’s be real… No one likes to go to someone’s house and spend the whole time staring at their phone anyway! Let’s get with it, there’s no time for that.)
Set date nights. Place these in your calendar & stick to them. This is a habit I’ve created with Landon and it has transformed our relationship. Our date nights mean the other person is our priority for the day or evening. No questions asked!! This might seem pointless if you’re single, but it’s TOTALLYY not. This can be for a friend, sibling, co-worker, whoever you want to be connected to + prioritize on a regular basis. Your friends should totally have date nights too. Sometimes it’s necessary to schedule our friend time and be intentional!
Learn about the other person
Understand what time of person your partner or friend is. Learn their personality type, how they think, what their processing style is. They could be introverted, extroverted, or a combination of both. They might be internal or external processors. They might have a totally different love language than you. All of these pieces of your person are so so so important. Once you know these parts of them, you’ll know how they’re going to respond to different situations. For example, you can’t expect your internally processing friend to talk things out right away. That’s just not how this works!
Work every day to learn your people in a deeper way. Figure them out better and better. They will love you for it AND your relationship will grow to become healthier over time. A total win-win situation when it comes to the people we love.
Over-Communicate… It’s totally ok!!
In a world where people laugh at double texting or shame being clingy… healthy and stable relationships (romantic or not) should never shame communication… or even OVER-communication. Communicate, communicate, communicate!! I literally cannot stress this tip enough. Most of the others could fall under this category, that’s how important it is.
Discuss things you have issues with as soon as they happen. Don’t shove it aside or it will continue to grow into something bigger. Talk things through. Work toward honesty. Work toward humility. Be grateful for each moment you get with this person. When in doubt, talk it outttt.
Make sure that praise and love are expressed above ALL.
Whether you’re using these tips for family members, a spouse, a friend, a significant other, or a team member, these should be a hugggge blessing to you + them! Cheering you on, friend! You deserve good, healthy relationships!